But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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