perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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