dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
