If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
