And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
