I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
