Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
