Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
