I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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