I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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