she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
