i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
