I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
