so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
