Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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