Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize