Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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