Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
