as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
