Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
