My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
