Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize