cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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