some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
