I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
