we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So much rum. So many feels.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
