so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
