He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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