But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
