There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
