you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am available for nakedness
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
