Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
