in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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