so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
