I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
