i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
