man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize