Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
