everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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