Umm I'm too high to move.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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