sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Holy shit dude........stairs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
