Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
