Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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