Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
