i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
