i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
