She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
