mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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