I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
