What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
