It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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