is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
