We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
