There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize