Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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