I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
