you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
