grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and she was petting her beer can
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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