So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
