Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize