Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
