I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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