The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm like, not good at living.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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