we're chasing vodka with high fives
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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