Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Be still, my beating vagina.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
