My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
