Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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