I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
