Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize