Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
