fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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