she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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