i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
