I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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