There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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