Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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