It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
