so explain again why im purple
no
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize