filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
