3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
