: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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