it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
