:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
