I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
