dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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